Do you have one event or period in life that stands out? A moment where you thought, “things were different after that.” For me, it was in the form of a breakup. I know, wah wah wah. Stick with me. I went through the severing of ties with someone who was never even a relationship. It shouldn’t have been hard due to the low levels of commitment involved. But it was. I had gone through a much more serious break up months before. One that should have left me trembling in the corner but it didn’t.
The ending of the more recent short but passionate relationship kept me up at night and urged me to seek out why I was so sad. It slowly came down to this, I was sick of it. I was sick of letting the actions of another person send me into a darkness of sorts. I spent that winter obsessed with what went wrong. I was a plague to my dear friends and would text them late at night. I kept using his name in random conversations where it didn’t even belong. He had willingly moved on and why couldn’t I?
Then one day I realized, “who fucking cares?” I had become so annoyed with my own voice and my own complaining. I didn’t even want to be my own friend at that that rate. So, I started to do things for myself. I pressed pause on the dating game that had consumed my life for 22 years. I found focus in things I enjoyed. This may all sound very much like an Oprah “a-ha moment” and I suppose it was. Something clicked in my head and things have never quite been the same.
For me, a pivotal point in my life came in the form of a “Business Competition” known as StartUp Weekend. If you haven’t heard of this phenomenon I encourage you to Google it now. It really is a fantastic thing. I went into the weekend hoping to learn a bit about innovative business structures and what not, nothing more and nothing less. While I did learn a lot of really great educational ideas, I learned more about myself.
For the first time since middle school, I was not attached to a boy. I for once was the own keeper of myself. I wasn’t bothered with worrying about texting some guy the inappropriate amount of times. I didn’t have some guy to answer to thorough out that crazy StartUp Weekend. I proved to myself for the first time really, that I was much more than a pretty face with big, huge eyes. That was always someone’s comment to me at first glance. I’m not saying, “woe is me, I’m so pretty.” I’m saying that for the first time, people began to see me as a smart woman who happened to have a nice face and not the other way around. It was a riveting feeling.
I went on to thrust myself into every type of entrepreneurial project I could find. At one point I was attending college full time, holding down a bank job part time, and stating a small startup company with a few other people. All the while, paying my own rent. Which, if you are a college student, you will understand how monumental it is when you can actually afford the roof over your head.
Everyday, I tried to stay focused. It often times meant losing sleep and a few friends. I no longer cared about going out to bars and throwing up in parking lots anymore. Not that I am condemning those acts but it no longer fascinated me. Those activities were a waste of my time. My time became something I valued more than anything because it seemed I never had enough. Good friends saw me changing and asked why I didn’t do anything anymore. This was the biggest crime someone could utter against me. Many did not even know how many projects I was into.
I became obsessed with the notion that standing still and being lazy was the worst possible activity ever. The ongoing joke was that if I had a free ten minutes a day, I would find a project to insert. I was making a lot of progress in many areas of my life. The work portions of my life were becoming larger and taking over all other parts. I was strangely fine with this. I felt as if I was really doing some great things and experiencing even greater experiences. Along with this new fascination with “work” I also gained some of the most extraordinary friendships I have ever known.
…to be continued